There are times when I talk about adoption and I watch as people’s eyes glaze over. I realize that they aren’t in the least bit interested in what I’m saying. It used to bother me until I really sat back and thought about it.

Someone complained to me once that everyone rallies around someone who is pregnant, but not around the adopting parents. Well, I’m thinking about it and I realize that the adoption process (before referral) is really kind of boring. It wasn’t exactly exciting for me while I was personally going through the process so why should it be interesting to anyone else?

My co-worker is pregnant. She just announced it and it started a flurry of questions. How are you feeling? Are you going to find out if it’s a boy or a girl? Did you tell your daughter? What did your parents say? The excitement was thick and full of good will. All of this happiness and interest doesn’t start until after conception. Do we ever walk up to a woman and say, “How many attempts did you make last night?” Ugh!

Though I know it is often frustrating to go through the earlier stages of the adoption process, it is hard for me to be angry when people don’t really listen. Why should it occur to someone to ask me how my paperwork is going and if I’ve been fingerprinted lately?

I did notice that after my referral people were a lot more interested in the process. When is he coming? How soon will you know? Will you get more pictures? After they saw pictures, the questions rolled right in and sometimes they were more than I could handle while I dealt with my own feelings.

Sometimes, I think that we can be too quick to blame people’s actions on the fact that adoption is involved. Don’t get me wrong, there are people out there who are adamantly anti-adoption, but there are also people out there who are simply waiting for conception/referral.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.