When my parents were preparing to adopt my sister from Korea, I was terrified of the social worker. She was a very nice woman and (as it turns out) an integral part of bringing home our son (twenty-some years later). It’s a small world.

I’m not sure where I got all my ideas, but I remember being truly terrified. At eight years old, the social worker seemed as close to god-like as a human being could get. If she didn’t like us, she wouldn't give us the thing that I really really wanted – a baby sister.

My parents were veterans of the process and I don’t remember them being particularly worried all the time. I, however, thought that I had to be the perfect child or my chances of a sibling were gone. During the home study visits, I made sure that I looked perfect and I rarely spoke unless I was asked a direct question. Even then, I picked my words very carefully.

One of the things that prospective parents tell me a lot is that they are nervous about the social worker coming to visit. They clean, bake cookies, and lock the dog in the basement.

Your social worker is your friend. With the exception of rare few, adoption social workers are not out to get you. For the most part, they want to place children with good families. Yes, they are going to be talking with you to make sure you are ready to be a parent and if you understand the full consequences of adopting a Korean child (racism, teen-age issues, etc…), but they are not looking for the perfect household. One social worker told me that she gets worried if she walks into a “Stepford” house. Introduce your social worker to your family dog or cat. My cat stuck his head in the social worker’s purse to see if there was anything good to eat.

Social workers have multiple jobs. They are supposed to assess your readiness for adoption, but they are also here to act as your guide through the process. In many cases, they are there to remind you to take a deep breath while you are waiting or trying to fill out the multitude of USCIS forms. Best of all, they are full of important information. Ask your questions (even if you think it might be stupid). The whole Korean adoption process can seem very long and it’s even longer if you spend it in a perpetual state of worry.