I just joined a new forum for Korean adoptees (though there is a section for parents of Korean adoptees as well) and I’m enjoying myself. I feel quite old on this forum. Though many do not come out and say how old they are, I get the impression that many of them are still in college. Oh, I know that I’m not old (though my sister might disagree), but when you are part of a group that approaches the world far differently than you do…you start wondering when you changed.

Like I said, I’m enjoying this group. The last adoptee forum that I joined was made up of adoptees that were primarily older than me and I was so depressed when I read their posts that I had to leave the group. This one seems to be a nice mix – both things that I agree with and things that I don’t agree with. It makes you think.

One of the threads was talking about one of the most common questions that an adoptee is asked. Where are you from? Prior to college, I really didn’t hear that question often. My parent heard it because people would ask them where my sister and I came from, but it was rarely directed at me. When I got to college, it happened more often. After all, at college I was surrounded by international students who were really from other countries. It still irked me that people automatically assumed that if you looked different, you must be from another country. After all, there are plenty of Asian people who were born and raised in this country - second, third, fourth generations.

Generally, I used to say “Ohio” when people asked me that question or “Just south of Cleveland.” I seem to be part of the majority on this one. Sometimes I’m not. Most of the Korean adoptees who responded seem to tell them where they physically live even though we know that people really want to know if we are (or our parents are) from Korea, China, Japan… Once when I was at the store buying a romance novel for my trip home to Ohio, the clerk asked if he could help. My friend T said that we were looking for books for the ride home. He looked at me and said, “That’s a long way home. You’ll probably need more than one.” I remember sighing on the inside and then giving him one of my brightest smiles. “Yes,” I said. “It’s about three hours away.” Funny, he didn’t say anything after that.

I think it’s all the more annoying to me because I’m not being funny or evasive with my answer. I was only in Korea for six months. Prior to moving to Michigan, Ohio was really the only place I’d lived. When someone asks you where you are from, you tell them. Prior to graduating from college, I told them Ohio and now I tell them Michigan. It is really very simple. Now, if you asked me where I was born, I will tell you Korea. If you ask me my ethnicity, I’ll tell you Korean. But people don’t ask you that…they always want to know where you are from.

On another forum, one of the adoptive parents came up with the best answer yet. She suggested that when you get the intrusive questions you simply ask, “Why do you want to know?” Perhaps turning the question back on the asker will make them think the next time. Unfortunately, I generally find myself trying to keep the peace. I generally answer that I am from Michigan and then explain that I’m adopted from Korea. Someday, someone is going to catch me in a bad mood and perhaps I’ll try it then.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.