So, what happens when family doesn’t approve of your choice to adopt from Korea?

I was lucky enough not to experience this issue. My family is well indoctrinated in Korean adoption and my husband’s family didn’t even blink. In fact, my brother-in-law says that he had a dream we were going to adopt from Korea about a week before we announced it.

When my parents decided to adopt me, my grandparents were not in favor of the process. For them, it was actually a mixture of all three. There are some things that you can change and there are some things that you can’t. Once I got here, they were fine with me. However, when it was time for my sister to come home, my grandmother told my mother that she shouldn’t do it because my mother couldn’t get lucky twice. My grandmother was under the distinct impression that adopting from Korea was like playing Russian roulette.

Racism – This is one of the reasons that really make me nervous. If someone is protesting your choice to adopt because they are racist, there are so many hard decisions you have to make. First and foremost, you have to be willing to cut that person from your life because your child should not be exposed to that kind of behavior. This may also cause you to stay away from other family gatherings. Are you prepared to do this?

Genetics – A lot of people are concerned about genetics. You don’t know the family history (drug problems, heart problems, etc…). Yep, that can be a problem…but how much do you really know about your own families genetics?

Misinformation – The reason I hear most often is that family members are misinformed. It’s hard to be 100% gung-ho about something when you don’t have all the information.

Here are some good ways to provide information to misinformed family members:
• Invite them to join you at your agency’s informational meetings.
• If your agency has events (picnics, parties, etc…), take them with you. Most agencies encourage people in the early stages of the process to participate.
• Find support groups in your area and (once again) take them with you.
• If you know any parents of adoptees or adult adoptees, have them go talk to your family. Many of us are happy to talk to anyone with questions.
• Provide them with reading materials (books, blogs, websites…).

Sadly, there are some people that you will never convince. You do have to be ready for that eventuality too.

If you would like to respond, but not on this site, please feel free to e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.