Decades ago, open adoption was rare. Adoption was often a big secret. Even if the child knew that he/she was adopted, no one talked about it. With Korean adoption, it was never possible for it to be a secret, but it is possible for no one to talk about it.

I’ve heard parents talking about being color-blind in their family. They don’t talk about the differences because it doesn’t matter. Everyone is loved the same no matter where they came from or what they look like so it just doesn’t matter. That does seem like a wonderful Utopia, but unfortunately, I haven’t found one yet.

I’m not saying that families aren’t color-blind. I’m saying that it DOES matter. Being adopted is a huge deal and it needs to be talked about with the whole family (adopted parents, adopted siblings, etc…) because if you don’t it’s too much like a secret.

I think that adoptees need to feel free to talk about their adoption and their feelings all the time. They need to know that they can say things to their family without making the family feel bad. A lot of adoptees internalize their questions, their worries, their dreams…because they are afraid of hurting their families. If there aren’t open lines of communication, feeling these things can feel disloyal and make you feel alone.

Once again, we walk a fine line. It’s one of the things that I think prospective parents should really be aware of. We always seem to be walking a fine line. While we want our children to feel loved and a part of our family, we also have to make sure that we recognize what makes them different. We want to celebrate what makes our children different, but we don’t want to over do it and make them feel alienated from the family. It’s a vicious circle.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please feel free to e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.