When I went to get my hair cut his week-end, I took my son with me and he was an angel. The woman who cuts my hair made several comments about how good he was being and I made a comment that my husband and I figure our second child will be a hellion since our first has been so easy.

Her immediate response to my question was to ask me if I was expecting. I think that I answered a little sharply because I have no interest in being pregnant. I tend to react a little strongly because no one ever stops to consider that adoption is an option. I generally temper the rest of my response. In this case, though she has been cutting my hair for nearly two years, I don't think that I ever mentioned that my son is adopted.

However, it got me thinking about the fact that adoption is so often a second thought to the masses. Comments are being made constantly without any regard to the emotions that might be trampled - not because people are malicious, but because adoption never occurs to them. The seemingly innocent comment about whether or not I am expecting could have upset someone who has been struggling with infertility. How many other times do people make assumptions that are potentially upsetting to people involved in the adoption process.

When it comes to these comments, I have thought about how they hurt adoptees the most, but there are also the adoptive parents and the birth parents. When strangers approach a pregnant woman and go on and on about the wonders of giving birth, do they keep in mind that the mother may be struggling with the decision to place that child for adoption? We know about the blatantly rude comments that mark our lives, but sometimes the unintentional comments can be worse. I think it's because they are said in such a way that it makes me feel abnormal.

What I really worry about is what I say and that I am probably responsible for making some of these comments myself. Society trains you to expect certain things and to respond in certain ways. I have to remember to curb my assumptions and wait for some answers before I speak.