Link: Parents Share The Joys Of Adoption, by A.J. O’Connell (Stamford Times)

Many of the articles that I’ve been getting lately have been a little fluffy – warm fuzzy feelings. I liked this one because it touched on some of the issues.

Well-meaning acquaintances ask if the boys, who were adopted from Korea, are "real" brothers, want to know about their "real" mothers, and ask other personal questions in front of the children.

I’ve really never understood why invasive questions are okay when it’s obvious that a child is adopted. For Korean adoptees, it is mostly pretty obvious that we’re adopted. I would never walk up to someone with a baby and say “Was it a natural birth or a c-section?” The part of me that reminds myself to be patient is often overridden by the desire to know why people think this type of question is okay.

…Cathy Bonczek, a public-speaking consultant by trade, is bringing a seminar on appropriate adoption language to Peter's school, Northeast Elementary as National Adoption Month kicks off.
"My goal is to become a resource for the school," she said. Bonczek is careful to say that she can't speak for all adoptive parents — all families handle adoption differently — but she wants to help the teachers and administrators become more aware of adoption issues and language.

Education is generally a good thing. Teaching about it when they’re little might be just the way to stop the rude and invasive questions when they are adults. Half of the questions that I get are not meant to be rude. People know very little about adoption (unless it’s touched your life) and they are curious.

I would have enjoyed having my mother come to my school to talk about adoption. I liked being adopted and liked answering questions. On the flip side, I hated being the center of attention so it would have to have been done carefully. My sister would have hated it from the beginning to the end. She didn’t want her adopted status to be drawn to anyone’s attention. She wanted to be one of the crowd.

"You'd be surprised at the anxiety other children have about a classmate who is not with his or her [birth] parents," she said.
Tucci said young children wonder what adoption means for them, if they're going to be adopted or separated from their parents.

I am rather adoption-centered and often forget about the rest of the world. It makes sense that adoption could cause anxiety in other children. It’s something new and generally unexplained. All the more reason to make sure there is more education for young people.

It was nice to see how the school district embraced this program. Though, we know that this doesn’t happen – especially if you read Nancy Spoolstra’s posts on the Adopting a Sibling Blog.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.