Surviving Mother’s Day When You’re Waiting

Mother’s Day has taken on new meaning since my son’s arrival. I still forget on a regular basis that I’m one of the celebrated. The other night, I was trying to decide what to get my mother for Mother’s Day and I was harassing my husband to think of something for his mother. He turned to me and said, “What do you want?” What do I want? What does that have to do with anything? Oh yes, I’m also a mother.

The first Mother’s Day that I acknowledged was one of the worst days of my life. We had received our referral in March and May marked the second month of waiting. Everyone was excited. My mother-in-law bought me a Mother’s Day present and my husband brought home a dozen roses with a card that he signed from our son. Everything was designed to make me happy and I couldn’t explain to everyone why it didn’t make me happy.

I suspect that I’m not the only waiting parent that has come across this situation – a referral without a child on a special event. For some, I imagine that the celebration was joyous because everything was coming together and the child was on the way home. For me, every congratulations and every gift that I received made it worse.

My suggestion for surviving Mother’s Day if you are waiting for your child to come is to speak out. It’s something I didn’t do. I smiled and thanked everyone. I perpetuated the problem by trying to make everyone else happy and not looking after myself. There are times when it is okay to be a little selfish and think of yourself first. So, if celebrating Mother’s Day while you are waiting makes you feel good, let everyone know, but if it doesn’t – make sure that everyone knows any way. I am sure that if I had told everyone how I felt they would have backed off and left me alone.

As always, communication is the key.

This year I got hugs and kisses from my son and a new laptop computer from my husband. I definitely like Mother’s Day now.

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