Due to space and time constraints, I have chosen to discuss this survey in several parts. You can read the whole survey at this link. Any quotes and specific data in this blog come from this survey.

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, in conjunction with Holt International Children's Services, undertook a survey of the participants in The Gathering to gain greater insight into the experiences of Korean adoptees since they began arriving in the U.S. and Europe in 1955…

I found this whole survey to be very interesting because it covered adoptees from 1955-1985. (I was adopted from Korea in 1975. My sister was adopted from Korea in 1984.)

Dating. In part 3 I wrote about friendships, but in part 4, I’m branching out. I’m heading into a topic that seems to strike fear into the hearts of parents who have young children.

Here’s the truth. It never occurred to me or my sister to date another Asian. Mostly, I think it’s because we don’t really feel Asian in our core and because of that we aren’t attracted to Asian men. Don’t get me wrong, there are several Asian actors on television right now that can make me sit up and take notice, but there was never that automatic connection.

Fifteen percent of respondents reported that their dating patterns changed between high school and college and that they dated more Asians in college - changes which may reflect changing preferences or greater opportunities to meet and date other Asians. A larger percentage of male respondents (23%) than female respondents (14%) reported a change in favor of dating more Asians in college. A similar pattern emerged after college: a larger percentage of males (17%) than females (5%) reported dating more Asians during this period of their lives.

Where I grew up there were no opportunities to date Asian men in my school because there weren’t any other Asians. It was simple. When I went to college, I was pretty amazed by the overall diversity and I found it refreshing not to stand out everywhere I went. Asian men were not a part of my comfort zone. There was no connection.

Each individual adoptee will approach things differently. I think that it has to do with your personality and how you approach connection. I felt a connection with my husband almost right away. It had little to do with the way he looked and everything to do with the ease in which we talked. My brain had a pre-set idea of what I was looking for and it was like tunnel vision. My sister was like that too. She had certain ideas about what she was looking for. Neither of us were looking for someone who looked like us – instead we were both searching for a type. Does that make sense?

For other adoptees, the initial draw – the thing that creates the first tentative bond – might be based on physical features. If that’s the case, I can see why 15% of the respondents said that they dated more Asians. I don’t think that this is a bad thing. How people catch your attention doesn’t shape your entire relationship, it just gets it started.

Who will my son be drawn too? Okay, I’m one of those parents who are terrified by the thought of dating. Thank goodness my son is only two. Right now, his idea of dating is to grab the girl (or boy) give them a big kiss and then wave bye bye. I can handle that.