I’ve been busy lately with very non-adoption oriented problems – lack of sleep, bedtime problems, potty training, cats who think my living room carpet is a litter box, etc… I joked with my boss that this past week-end I was going to be potty training four children (i.e. my son and three cats), but I was only partially kidding.

One of the things that I’ve noticed about Korean adoption (and it’s probably the same for all adoptions) is that people are always interested in the adoption part, but forget that you are also a parent who is going through all the normal things that parents go through. So many people think that a child’s behavior will be automatically linked to their adoption and forget all the other factors that also help to develop our babies into toddlers, our toddlers into school-age scholars, etc... Since my son came home, I’ve gotten two statements (that are on opposite sides of the spectrum) that I wanted to share.

Statement 1: “You are so lucky that you adopted,” someone told me after my son arrived. “You won’t have to deal with all this,” she said as she gestured towards her two children who were fighting over a toy. Granted, at the time, my son was sitting in his sling and happily babbling to himself in a rare moment of calm.

Hmmm. I’m not sure how that works. Somehow, when a child is adopted they are miraculously perfect children who will not do anything wrong. The thought makes me laugh. My son is a one man wrecking crew with a wicked sense of humor that you can see in his eyes right before he takes a flying leap off the kitchen table. My mother once told me that one of her frustrations when my sister and I were growing up was that people seemed to think we should be perfect because we were adopted. Some people actually thought that we should be so happy that we were adopted (despite the fact that we were babies) that we would be perfect little girls to express our gratitude.

Statement 2: I’ll set the scene. I was dragging my son down the aisle of the grocery store while he screamed that he wanted to run. (I hate grocery stores. My husband usually does the shopping, but for some reason I was there instead.) A woman smiled at me and said, “He’s very cute,” she told me. “He looks like you.”

“Thank you,” I said. “He does look a little like me, but he’s adopted.” I never pretend (though I admit that sometimes I ignore).

“Oh,” she said. “How brave. You never know what kind of child you’ll get when you adopt.” Ugh. Suddenly my son’s perfectly normal toddler behavior was due to his adoption (or what happened before he was adopted)?

A few weeks ago, I watched my son play with my friend’s little boys. They are all pretty close to the same age. They were like three peas in a pod – each such a typical toddler boy. When I talk with my friends, we have similar issues and complaints (smile). Sometimes, it’s nice to take adoption out of the equation (if only for a short time).

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.