Because I’m visiting a new location, I’m finding myself explaining my name and my adoption again. After all, my name (unless you include my middle name) does not sound remotely Asian. Some people assume that my last name is my married name (after all it’s still fairly rare for a woman to maintain her maiden name after marriage) so that doesn’t bother them much. However, they are always asking me what type of first name I have. “Irish,” I tell them.

Sometimes, I let people walk away confused. However, because I have to work with these people (even if it will be long distance after this week), I generally launch into my adoption explanation.

I generally get two reactions:

1. Interest – They want to know more or they have a story to tell me about someone they know.

2. Embarrassment – For some, it’s embarrassing that they’ve asked a question. They aren’t comfortable with the topic and; therefore, they assume that you aren’t comfortable with the topic.

I was looking at the “embarrassment” reaction more closely this trip and I realized how easy it would be for some adoptees to misinterpret their reaction as a lack of acceptance. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are people out there that don’t accept Korean adoption at all (or in some cases, all adoption), but I really think that most of the people who became embarrassed don’t understand adoption and felt that they were being overly intrusive. Perhaps somewhere inside them, they are still of the belief that adoption should be a secret - something that is not talked about. It is human nature to shy away from topics that make you uncomfortable or that you think will make other people uncomfortable.

Sometimes, I become annoyed with other adoptees who don’t want to share what adoption is about with other people, though I do understand that for some it is a very personal matter. However, I think that if we want to make sure that future adoptees are accepted with more understanding than past adoptees have, we need to make sure that the people who are uncomfortable receive more information.

If you would like to respond, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.