I am lucky in my in-laws. While some of my friends have nightmare in-laws, mine are rather mild and easy to get along with. My mother-in-law is always very worried about treating everyone equally and she does not want anyone to feel slighted. I honestly never worried about her treating my son differently than she does her other grandchildren. She is almost comical in her desire to make everyone happy.

My husband and I will laugh about it sometimes. At Christmas, if she sees something that my sister-in-law might like, she also will buy something for me. It’s not funny for her. Actually, it must be exhausting. She makes every attempt to make sure that we all have an equal number of presents that cost an equal amount of dollars. One Christmas, she was very upset because my brother-in-law only wanted one big present. She must have told us a dozen times that night that it only looked like he didn’t get as many things, because the one thing was so big. She was really worried that someone would feel slighted. (The funny thing about the whole thing is that my husband and I would be happy with a fraction of what we get and we've long stopped counting other people's gifts to see who got more. With my son in the fray, we often forget to even open our gifts as we get caught up in his excitement.)

It would be nice if everyone had those reactions after their adoption. No signs of favoritism or bonding problems. Unfortunately, the truth is that some people can not handle Korean adoption (or probably any form of adoption). I heard an awful story awhile ago. A woman had two children – one was biological and the other was adopted from Korea. Her husband’s parents would visit and they would bring presents for the biological child, but nothing for their adopted child. She was very upset and they were on the verge of asking his parents not to come visit anymore.

Now, that’s the extreme and my mother-in-law is probably on the extreme other side. But, truthfully, what would you do if someone in your family blatantly ignored your Korean adoptee? Has it happened to anyone that would like to share?

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.