Link: Part 1

After embarrassment came the hurt. It led to all of those internal questions. The summary of the questions was “what is wrong with me that would cause someone to say these things to me?” Even in adulthood, we tend to question ourselves based on the actions of others, but as a child the potential for this to turn into out of control self-doubt is huge.

In past posts, I’ve told you that I had a very strong identity from early childhood. For me, this hurt was a moment in time that I shook off and moved past. It was a horrible feeling, but not one that I kept close to me.

I wish I knew why I was able to shake it off because I saw what not shaking it off did to my sister’s self-esteem. Part of it was because my parents and the adults in my life were all over it like ants at a picnic. They made sure that I knew that there was nothing wrong with me, but those same people were there for my sister too – so part of the equation is the personality of the child.

There’s also the “me” factor. Did you notice that I made “me” bold in the first paragraph? Do you remember when you were a child? If not, do you have a toddler? As soon as they became more aware of the world, children believe that the world revolves around them. The big picture doesn’t figure into a child’s world. When I was a child, I knew what I wanted and what I was feeling. My first thoughts were rarely “What is wrong with them?” Almost always, I wanted to know if I had done something wrong or how it affected me.

First I felt embarrassed and then I felt hurt…where is anger? Anger didn’t come until I was pre-teen…and a pre-teen is a whole different story. I remember me as a pre-teen and I even think I was scary. I’ll write about this separately.

When helping our children deal with racism, more than anything else, I think we have to remember that children don’t always think like we do. What seems logical to us may not be the child’s first instinct. Personally, all I can think to do is ask questions (like the public announcement commercials where the parents are always asking their teens where they are going and who they are going to be with). Be involved…don’t assume…don’t wait for them to come to us.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.