Today, I went to a jewelry party at my neighbor’s house. I really don’t like these parties, but I thought it would be a good way to meet some of the other neighbors. As it turns out, only one other neighbor came to the party.

Funny, it just happens that the neighbor that came is also adopted from Korea – just like me and my son. There was that moment of discomfort when we first met. Both of us wanted to ask the adoption question, but neither of us wanted to be first. On my side, it has to do with the fact that I’ve lived through three decades of intrusive questions and I don’t like being on either side of them.

My son was fascinated with her daughter. He was tickling her feet and then they would both laugh. During the "getting to know you" part of the conversation, I mentioned that my son was adopted from Korea and the door was now open. Her daughter is a biological child and they are thinking about adopting their second child, which seems to be pretty common in the adult Korean adoptee world. If the adoptee is interested in adoption, it is most often the second child that is adopted. I'm not sure why that is, but that's the trend I've seen.

Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, she asked me if I had been back to Korea. I told her "no" and then found myself trying to explain myself. After all, I had always meant to, but I just never go around to it. She nodded her agreement. It seems that she also has not been back and it was always something she meant to do too.

I can’t tell you what a relief it was to hear someone echo my comments. Lately, when I mention that I haven’t been back, I’ve been faced with thinly veiled censure. Parents of Korean adoptees express their shock that I haven’t been back. I get the impression that they are somehow disappointed in me. There is a certain script that has been written for these new parents of Korean adoptees and I’ve forgotten my lines. Korean adoptees express similar disappointment, but the underlying message from them is that I have turned my back on my culture…my birthright. I’ve become assimilated. I can't seem to win.

I think that I’m going to like having another Korean adoptee right down the street. We’ll have to wait and see.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.