Part 1
Part 2

Now, I know I’ve touched on this before, but I really need to repeat myself in this case because I think it’s important. One of the keys to how I felt about my birth family is how my parents approached the subject.

1. It was never a secret. (I realize that it is difficult to keep the adoption a secret with Korean adoption, but it is still possible to make Korean birth parents seem like a secret…something that isn’t talked about.) Mystery often makes the need to find answers that much stronger.

2. I was always encouraged to ask questions about my birth family. My mother used to make comments like, “I wonder if your birth mother had hair like yours.” Those are comments that invite questions about the birth parents. Several of the adult adoptees that I’ve read have expressed that they didn’t feel comfortable asking their parents about their birth parents. They feel guilty about mentioning their birth parents (as if they were being disloyal).

3. My parents tried to make sure that what was said about my birth parents and my sister’s birth parents was positive. I remember my mother telling me that we didn’t know anything about my birth parents, but that she thought about them often. She used to tell me that she thought my birth mother must have loved me a lot because it’s hard to make a choice to place your baby for adoption.

The goal would be that a Korean adoptee should never have to choose between their families. Some Korean adoptees will be like me and will be happy knowing that our Korean families are out there somewhere. Some will need to make the contact with their Korean families and others will need to immerse themselves in their Korean family. No matter which one they choose, they should know that their adoptive family is by their side.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.