Jan at the Adoption Search blog asked me why I thought some adoptees search and why others don’t. I can tell you why I haven’t searched.

I have always wondered what my birth parents were like before me and what happened to them after me. I have wondered if I have siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. However, I have always been the most comfortable with them as a fleeting thought. I don’t feel like I’m incomplete. They are a part of me...a part of who I am today.

I’ve wondered if the reason I’ve felt this way is because I know how difficult it would be to find them. Unlike my sister and my son, there is no record (not even a locked record) of who my birth parents are and where they are from. I do know that I was left somewhere where I would be easily found and that speaks volumes to me.

My theory has a lot of holes because my sister has a lot of information about her birth family. She knows that she was born in a hospital and that she has siblings. Her search would be a lot easier and she knows that there would be family at the other end. To my knowledge, my sister hasn’t mentioned searching for her Korean family so (as with all things) there is most likely not a simple answer to the questions.

I was a member of a Korean adoptee board awhile back and I had to stop reading it because the most vocal participants felt like a piece of them was missing. You could feel the angst and anger in their posts. I started feeling guilty that I couldn't understand them. They were all searching for their birth parents and they couldn’t seem to function without knowing. Some of them felt abandoned and I think they wanted someone to tell them that they were always wanted. For them, the search is not an option…it’s a quest.

Once again, it comes down to the individual and we are reminded that all Korean adoptees are not alike. We must listen to each one with different words and be prepared to support them in the decision to search or not to search. It is the responsibility of the parents to move forward and not take the Korean adoptees decision personally or as a failure.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.