I was nine when my sister arrived from Korea, so I was old enough to understand that not everything that is said in the syrupy tone that adults use with babies was really sweet. One particular time really sticks out in my head because I think it’s the first time that I really understood that some people said bad things about adoption. A neighbor waived at me when I was riding my bike by their house and I stopped. “Where’s your expensive sister?” He asked.

I had no idea what he was talking about, but I wasn’t stupid. Even at nine, I heard the underlying sarcasm in his voice and I knew that there was something not quite right about that question. I knew a lot of things about adoption, but no one had really talked with me about adoption fees so I really didn’t understand that any money had exchanged hands. All I knew was that someone had given me a baby sister.

Anyhow, I did the only thing that a curious and confused nine year old girl can do. I went home and told my parents. I remember that my mother was very mad. Not the disappointed mad, but the “my mother has red hair and an Irish temper” kind of mad. My memory is a little hazy about the words that she actually used, but I remember the emotion.

After she finished lambasting the neighbor (even though he wasn’t there to hear her), my parents explained adoption fees to me. They explained that the money they paid went to pay for the agency expenses, the cost of care in Korea, the government fees and the trip to the United States. She explained that the question was really implying that we had bought my sister, like you would buy a bike or a banana. You can’t buy people, she told me. My sister and I were worth more than all the money in the world.

Now, if you hear any member of my family calling my sister “expensive” you know that it has nothing to do with her adoption and everything to do with her taste in clothes, food, etc…

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.