Part 1 - Introduction

Part 2 - Disappointment & Failure

Part 3 - Anxiety

Part 4 - Guilt

Relief, Contentment & Disappointment (Again)

When parents talk about the first time they met their child (whether through travel or arrival), they talk about seeing their child for the first time, holding the child, etc… I remember all of those things and I cherish them, but I have to say that one of my primary emotions was definitely relief. I wanted to do the “no more” dance. No more paperwork (or almost no more paperwork). No more waiting. No more worrying.

Contentment came directly after relief. Once again, it was not big emotions. I had really expected fireworks and a symphony. Instead, after the relative chaos of our first night, everything felt like it had come together. At first, I was a little disappointed that there weren’t trumpets announcing my son’s arrival, but then it was just nice to settle in.

I was extremely lucky. My son settled in right away and he was an easy child. However, it is not uncommon for the opposite to happen. Children are scared and some of them come with very distinct personalities. The settling in process can lead to more disappointment. Once again, I don’t think that it makes anyone a bad person. It makes you human.

Parents are waiting and waiting for their child’s arrival. You’ve had months and months to imagine the perfect life. Everything will be happy and joyful. You will see those fireworks and hear that symphony. Instead, you have a child who screams when you touch them, when you don’t touch them, when you bathe them, when you feed them… You might have a child that totally rejects you in favor of the other parent. After all the months or years of dreaming about being a parent, why shouldn’t you be disappointed? Why shouldn’t you have some bad thoughts? Why shouldn’t you have doubts?

If your disappointment doesn’t ease after awhile or morphs into other negative feelings, I suggest that you make use of your adoption agency or professional counseling. Adoption agencies know about trouble in placement. They don’t want a disrupted adoption so they will try to help you make things work. Sometimes having that outside influence is a great help for parents. It helps you determine what is normal and what is not normal.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.