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My Opinion: Having a part of my Korean name was important. My parents took a part of my Korean name and made it my middle name. Growing up, I loved it because it made me feel special and I had a story to tell when people asked me about my name. I would tell them that my first name is Irish, my middle name is Korean and my last name is German. I still use my middle name every chance I get.
We did the same thing for my son. To me, it seemed even more important for him because his birth-mother chose his Korean name. Now, he has a part of us and a part of his birth-parents forever.
I have seen where some parents keep the Korean name and don’t change it at all. I have mixed feeling about that. When your parents don’t look like you…you are Korean…you are adopted…you feel out of place. A part of me would have enjoyed it, but another part of me wouldn’t have liked it all. I enjoyed being special, but I don’t know that I would have enjoyed being that different from my parents.
My Sister’s Opinion: According to my sister, my parents never should have used her Korean name. She used to tell my parents that as soon as she turned eighteen she was going to change her middle name to Stephanie.
While I loved my middle name, my sister hated it. Her middle name made her feel different. In a society that encourages people to be similar (dress the same, eat the same things, drink the same drinks, etc…), having a name that invites question was a burden.
The Conclusion: Two children in the same household came up with two very different opinions. This probably means that there is no way to determine how your child will react. You can only do what you think is best now and, like all parenting decisions, you have to wait to see how it all plays out.
We did the same thing for our son that your parents did for you, for much the same reason. Little J’s Russian name was moved to his middle name. We were actually prepared to keep it as his name as we adopted him at 15 months and we thought he’d know his name but it didn’t appear that he did. He would turn his head to anything said in a sing-songy “baby” voice and yet didn’t respond when his name was said in a normal voice. Apparently the children were not spoken to individually very often.
Hi American name is my grandfather’s, just like his older brother’s name is my husband’s great-grandfather’s.
It’ll be interesting to see how he feels as he gets older.
Mo,
thank you for providing different points of view. (that of both you and your sister). Isn’t it funny how kids raised in the same household can differ so greatly. I am so glad that you are doing this blog, as I think you provide a great first hand perspective.
Visiting from the Korea board on adoption.com! I had to chuckle about your sister saying she’d change her name when she was 18…I vividly remember sitting in my sandbox and telling my dad I hated the name Sara and wanted to change my name to Julie once I was 18. While it wasn’t a cultural issue for me I hated how plain my name was. Our son (born in Korea) will have part of his Korean name as his middle name…I hope he is ok with that as he gets older.
When we adopted our daughter from Korea we contemplated keeping her Korean name. I am fortunate to like in a ethnically diverse area, we have several Korean neighbors, so I asked my one neighbor for her advice. She told me to give our daughter an American name. We should let her always know her Korean name and heritage, but give her an American name. So, we have given our daughter the name Sophie, it sounds like her Korean name So Hee. I honestly don’t know if it was the right thing, but she’s so happy and we’re so happy with her.
Koreans do not have middle names. On my mother’s American citizenship papers it says that her name is Kyong Cha Pak, but the Kyong Cha, is her first name, a two syllable first name, like Mary or Sara.