After my family left, we spent the next several days bonding. We had lots of firsts…first bath…first walk in the stroller…


First Stroller Ride


First Bath

We took several days to ourselves before we let people come visit again. For us, it was less about bonding and more about getting used to being parents. We know that many people try to limit contact for the first few months and discourage other people picking up the babies as a way to facilitate the bonding process.

Bonding is an important part of having a new child (whether natural birth or adoption). Babies and parents aren’t always immediately bonded. Sometimes it takes awhile. Parents of Korean adoptees are often particularly worried about bonding because we miss those first months of their lives. The great thing about Korean adoption is that most of the children come as infants and, developmentally, most infants don’t understand permanency until they are a little older – to them if you walk around the corner you cease to exist, so the loss of the Korean caregiver isn’t always as tramatic.

My husband and I decided that we would let things run its course and see how things went. For the most part, we were the primary caregivers just out of default - we were always there. We didn’t restrict our visitors when they came. We let them hold him and pass him around. Though we are pretty sure he recognized us pretty soon after his arrival, he had no fear of going to strange people until he was a little older (about 12 months).

When I first took him to daycare, it broke my heart that he didn’t seem to care when I left him. Of course, it was great in the evening because he got so excited when he saw me. I don’t think it was a lack of bonding. It was more that my son was just being a really easy baby. When he turned one, he started having some separation anxiety and I longed for the days when he didn’t care when I left. Having to close the door on your baby when he’s running towards you and sobbing “mama mama” is awful. I’d much rather be ignored.

Because I did stay home with him for the first twelve weeks, I did try to find ways to keep him near me a lot. He liked to take his naps with me and I liked to carry him around as much as possible, but he was a six month old little boy and he became pretty heavy after awhile. I looked at all different kinds of carriers, but I chose a sling. He could sleep in the sling, sit up in the sling...I could still accomplish quite a bit with him in the sling. When he was a little older, I was able to push the sling to my back and then (yippee) I had both of my hands free.

Lesson Learned: Be careful what you wish for…you might get it.

Lesson Learned: I registered for a sling, but I didn’t like the store bought kind. They were a little bulky and they had these pillowy edges that my son didn’t like. My friend knew someone who makes slings and she had one made for me that was perfect. Here is a link to her site: Punkin Doodle Wraps