I was going to write about a different topic today, but I decided to write this one instead because it was taking up a large portion of my thoughts. Sometimes writing it down helps me alleviate the pressure.

Many parents of Korean adoptees and hopeful parents of Korean adoptees have been pointing me towards the blogs of other Korean adoptees. Most of the bloggers are not pro-adoption and it’s good for me to hear what other adoptees are saying so I log in. Yesterday, as I was reading, I started to feel guilty for being a happy Korean adoptee. The more I read, the more depressed I started to feel – I felt like I was being smothered.

After I shook off the guilty feelings, I started to think about guilt and adoption. Guilt seems to be a regular part of adoption. I felt guilt for being happy. Some feel guilty for not being happy because they do love their adopted family. The mother of an adopted child told me that she felt guilty that she was so happy when the birth mother had to give up her baby. I feel guilty because I can’t manufacture feelings for my birth mother. Another mother told me that she felt guilty about not being able to provide her child with more Korean culture.

Why should any of us feel guilty for the way we feel? Guilt should be left for the criminal who breaks the law or the child who sneaks out of the house without permission. When my friend’s children fall down, my friend always tells them to shake it off – she has this cute little song about shaking it off and being alright. Hmm. Guilt? Shake it off…I think that everyone has the right to feel any way that they want.