Korean Adoption, Korea Infant Adoption - Finding Your Birth Parents

02/21/06

Finding Your Birth Parents – A Korean Adoptee’s Perspective

Posted by : Mo in Korea Adoption Blog at 06:00 am , 431 words, 909 views
Categories: Korea - Post-Adoption, Korea - Current Events and Adoption News

Okay, it’s big news in the Korean adoption world – Toby Dawson, a Korean adoptee, took a bronze medal in the men’s mogul competition in the 2006 Olympics (see post in the Ethiopia blog). Above and beyond that, Toby has made a very public search for his birth parents. From my understanding, there have been several people who stepped forward, but then refused to take DNA tests. Now, there is a new claim and a man who is willing to take the DNA test to prove his paternity (follow this link for more information).

I’ve been following this situation and it’s brought up an interesting topic. It’s a topic that, I will admit, has me totally baffled – searching for your birth parents. Honestly, I have never thought about searching and I don’t feel bad about not searching. It would be very difficult for me to find my birth parents. I was a found child so there are no records anywhere that would help me locate them, but I know it’s possible.

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Don’t get me wrong, I’ve thought about them and I’ve wondered what they are like. My mother used to tell me that she believes that my birth mother was a brave woman who provided for me the best way she could. I tend to agree. I don’t have any enmity towards them, but I don’t feel the connection either. I don’t feel like I have a missing piece in my life or a driving need to know more. My parents are the people who raised me and I feel complete knowing that they are there for me.

Now that we have my son, I’ve been thinking a lot more about this subject. We know who his birth parents are – we have names and a general location. If he wants to find them, it is going to be very possible. So, as a parent of a Korean adoptee, I am struggling now to learn more about a subject that never interested me as a Korean adoptee. How odd.

I am now reading the Adoption Search blog to try to sort out all the things that my son might go through. He might end up being just like me, but I want to be ready in case he’s not. I want to make sure that he never thinks that I won’t be willing to join him if he chooses to search.

Parenting a Korean adoptee is definitely a challenge - even when the parent is another Korean adoptee.

3 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Sandra Hanks Benoiton [Member]

· http://international.adoptionblogs.com/

This is such an interesting 'both sides of the fence' dialog. I look forward to following as you learn and decide how to deal with this.

Permalink 02/21/06 @ 06:14

Comment from: Jan Baker [Member]

· http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/

http://www.thestate.com/mld/thestate/sports/13921871.htm

Here's a link about another Korean who swam in the Olympic trials that you might enjoy.

Interesting that you haven't had that urge to search, mid-30's seems to be the prime time. However, I know many adoptees who thought that they never would, but, then suddenly they wanted to.

My son said he always knew that he would search for me. He said he searched because he was curious. For him, it wasn't about not feeling connected or happy with the parents who raised him. And it wasn't about wanting to find himself either.

I think he enjoys knowing me though - and seeing our similarities - we are much alike in many ways. Plus, I think he feels a connection to me and just likes knowing where I am.

Glad to know you're reading our blog!

Permalink 02/21/06 @ 17:03

Comment from: Erin [Visitor]

I am Korean adopted and for as long as I can remember my parents have been supportive of me to search if I wanted to. They always told me the benefits as well as the negative aspects that could result. That helped me to make a decision; when I was 16 I decieded to search. I was fortunate enough to find my family and it answered alot of my questions. Now I can do family tree homework assignments at school and when I go to the doctor I know about my medical history. Those have been just some of the social benefits; I also was able to find out why my mother put me up for adoption and I got to actually hear first hand that my family loves me. My two families have become one from this experience. I've had a very positive experience and I was very fortunate. I also have many Korean adopted friends who have searched. Some have had better luck than others but everyone that has found their biological parents are very content with their results. The person's mood searching is what sets the tone for how the feelings throughout the search will be. It is good to hear that you are not forcing your son to search or hiding the fact that he can search. I know some parents are scared to let their children search. You blog is very interesting to read.

Permalink 02/26/06 @ 20:29

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