Family is an important part of my life. I’ve been thinking of family lately because we’ve been getting ready for Easter and my cousin’s wedding shower. I was trying to come up with a good post about family and I suddenly remembered a conversation I had a little while ago about family trees.

The mother was really upset because her son’s teacher had assigned a family tree as a project. She was horrified. How was she supposed to know her son’s family tree. He was born in Korea and she didn’t have any information about his birth family.

I remember being equally horrified by her statement. Wasn’t her son a part of her family? When I made my family tree in school it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be putting my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins on the project – they were my family. My birth parents, though important, were not a part of my family tree.

Now, I realize that perhaps both of us were being too simplistic. I can see how the mother’s reaction could be very damaging if she expressed these same feeling in front of her son. He could easily come away with the same feelings that I had and feel like he wasn’t part of the family. As parents, we have to walk a fine line and be very careful how we react. I am almost positive that the mother I talked to did not mean to make it sound like her son wasn’t part of the family. She was trying to protect him from something she viewed as an issue. First and foremost, as parents of a Korean adoptee, we have to make sure that our children are secure in our love.

However, on the other side, you can’t ignore that the adoption took place. If your child wants to represent their adoption on the family tree, I think this is a good idea. (I really think it should be the child’s option and perhaps even the child’s idea.) Many Korean adoptees are struggling to fit in and forcing them to stand out might cause additional problems.

Here are some ways that I came up with to help recognize adoption on a family tree:

• Depending on how far back your family tree is going, you can place flags next to the names that represent where the family member was born.

• You can create a more descriptive family tree that gives details about each of the family members. That way your child can recognize their adoption, but they won’t stand out from the rest of the family.

• If you have more detailed information about your child’s birth parents, you can show a dotted line relationship on the family tree.

If you would like to respond, but not on this site, please feel free to e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.