There are so many interesting topics out on the web. Some of them I enjoy just for the entertainment factor, some of them intrigue me, some of them make me think…
I found one today in the “makes me think” category. It was the suggestion that I had done something wrong because I hadn’t embraced the Korean culture as my own. Somehow, it sounded as if I had done something unforgivable. Should I have done something different? Would my actions damage my son forever?
Okay it was pretty late at night when I started my downward spiral so I hit bottom with a noticeable thud, but I bounced right back up. The easiest way to put this into perspective for me was to ask myself the question. Did I turn my back on my culture? (Yes, I do talk to myself on a regular basis and, unfortunately, I am equally guilty of answering myself.) Anyhow, the answer was a very confident and emphatic “no.”
Why do I feel that way? Mostly, I think that it depends on how you view culture to begin with. It’s a really big word and it can’t be used to make simplistic statements. Korean culture is huge and there are so many sub-cultures within the larger umbrella that it makes you wonder which part you should be embracing. Culture is a word that is used to put a label on something that I don’t think can be labeled – it’s just too big.
Second, who says the culture you embrace has to be the one you were born to? If someone is born in a culture of violence or a culture of oppression, do they have to embrace it? I don’t think so. You can “adopt” any culture that you feel comfortable with – that you have a connection to.
Am I saying that there is no need to introduce Korean adoptees to Korean culture? Nope. What I’m saying is that it is unrealistic to think that it is right for someone just because of the way they look or that it is right solely because you were born there. Not all Koreans are created the same…we are individuals. A Korean-American (not adopted) may not feel comfortable with every aspect of Korean culture simply because their life has been changed by any number of outside influences. We are shaped by our environment.
Returning to my original thought, I will say with great certainty that I did not turn my back on my culture. In fact, I embraced MY culture. Korean adoptees, who are comfortable with their own identities…who do not need to look like everyone around them to feel wanted, are not turning their back on their culture if they do not want to do everything Korean. To the contrary, I think that we may have created our own sub-culture.
I will continue to learn about the country where I was born because it is important and, quite frankly, interesting to learn about. However, I will not feel pressured to make it my own. I am who I am and I like who I am.
I’m going to try to step down off my soap box now. Once again, I want to stress that this is my opinion and there are adoptees out there who will disagree with me on all points. I respect that not all adoptees have had the kind of life that I’ve had and they haven’t met the wonderful people that I have. It makes me sad when I hear from other adoptees who are so full of pain that they can’t seem to carve out any happiness for themselves. I hope that they can respect that not all Korean adoptees are mad that they were adopted to another country. Some of us are pretty happy with our lives and can’t wait to see where the next day will take us.
If you don’t feel comfortable posting to this site, please feel free to e-mail me directly at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.
. To the contrary, I think that we may have created our own sub-culture.
That’s the idea I like the best.
I often think about this, we are not Korean, adopting a Korean baby. I want the Korean culture to be a part of our lives – but how do I know when and how much to incorporate. We live in an area rich Korean culture – and a lot of it is tied to religion – which isn’t ours. My gut tells me that our baby and our love for both our children will lead us – as long as we are open. It is actually refreshing to hear the questioning from a Korean adoptee as well. Your blog has become a daily read for me – and a real excellent thought provoker. Thanks!
I wonder if there is a middle ground? Can’t one be happy with their life without sometimes wishing maybe certain parts of it had played out differently? But, yes, there is something to be said for embracing the life we have and making the best of it.
I do think that you are entitled to embrace or reject whatever parts of your culture (Korean or American) that you like though. Funny how others are so ready to tell us what and how we should feel and do, huh?
I was adopted from South Korea as an infant and I thank God every day for my birth mother’s courage to love me enough to let me go … and for the loving family that embraced me when I arrived. Many people have asked me what I’d say to my birth mother if ever given the chance to meet her … and I reply with two simple but heartfelt words … thank you. I must also say my heart echoes similar feelings that the author of “Did I Turn My Back on My Culture.” I thank you for writing your thoughts because I have struggled with many of these thoughts as well. I am happily married to a wonderful man who happens to be caucasian. We have two wonderful children … a 4 year old (as of yesterday, March 17th) and a 10 month old. Over Christmas my sister, who she and her husband have just successfully adopted a little girl from Guatemala, asked me if I was going to educate myself and my two children in the Korean culture. I guess I had never thought about this until my sister brought it up. They are now in the process of adopting their daughter’s biological half-brother who was just born in January. Anyway … the postings have helped me by giving me various prespectives regarding many thoughts so thank you!
i quite agree with your thinking but sure we have to create our own culture and sure too we’re shaped by our environment. but sometimes environment show us we’re not a t the good place.i liv in france and here no many korean sure big meltin pot as USA but no historical links between france and USa.different i think.and i want add also that sure environment shaped us but even if w live in a country and grew in this country we often feel not the good place. for example some features of character are genetic and environment cant change that. so as a conclusion i think sure if life we have today is good we have to enjoy but i dont think we can say i’m not korean or i want only enjoy present life. old people always says for know who you are you have to know and understand origins. i dont often agree with old people but for that i agree. anyway good article and i totally respect your mind and as i said you quite agree.