Whether your child is adopted or biological, choosing your child’s guardian is a difficult decision to make. A part of the Korean adoption process is choosing your child’s guardian prior to your child’s arrival. Our social worker warned us that we would have to make the decision and we started thinking right away. My husband and I talked about it for a long time. We weighed all of our options and discussed several issues.

1. We wanted to make sure that our child’s guardians would wrap our son into their family. We didn’t want him to feel like an outsider. Our choice had to be unfazed by the fact that he is a Korean adoptee.

2. The guardians had to be very tolerant people who did not make judgments based on race. Many people can be tolerant of one type of people, but not another group. I was worried about diversity.

3. We wanted guardians who were close to our age.

4. We wanted guardians who would be good trustees of our estate.

5. We wanted guardians who would do their best to maintain a relationship with our families.

When we finally made our decision, we were very happy with our choice. We know that many people expected us to choose a family member, but we did not feel that that was the right choice for us. Instead we chose our good friends, C & E. I remember when I called C to ask her if they would do it. She put down the phone and asked her husband. She came back and said, “E says yes on one condition.” I remember feeling my stomach clench. What would the condition be? “E says that you have the right to change your mind after you see what kind of parents we are.” I laughed and I was relieved. At the time, they didn’t have children yet. Now, they have a son and I have no doubts about their parenting skills.

Guardianship is at the forefront of my mind right now. Though we verbally made the decision and we told my parents, we have not made it official yet. We have procrastinated on completing our wills. However, we have an appointment on Wednesday (yippee) to make it final and I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. I don’t suggest that people do what we did. As soon as your child arrives, you should make it all final and legal. This is one of those incidents where I am definitely saying do as I say and not as I actually do.

If you would like to comment, but not on this site, please e-mail me at adoptkoreablog@adoptionmail.com.