One of the things that I hear a lot from people as that they become tongue-tied when people make rude or uninformed comments towards them. So, if we adults become tongue-tied, imagine how the children feel.

From experience, I can tell you that there was always a little tug-of-war going on in my head. The part of me that used to get so frustrated was always fighting with my etiquette lessons. Even as I opened my mouth to tell them they were idiots, I could hear my mother in my head telling me, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything... more

My fellow blogger, Nancy, on the “Adopting A Sibling” blog has written two blogs that originally caught my attention because of the titles.

Link: Korean But Not Adopted

Link: Korean But Not Adopted Part Two

The gist of the posts are that sometimes parents, me included, are so tied up in appearance that we forget about... more

It’s interesting. I received two questions about the same topic right in a row. I decided that this was my cue to write a post about it. The gist of the question was did it make a difference to have a sibling adopted from Korea. Did it make me feel less different?

I thought about this one for a little while and then I thought about it a little more. The answer is no. Now, you have to remember that I didn’t mind being different most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, it had its bad times, but my good times outweighed my bad times. I... more

I wanted to share a post written by Ji-in at Twice the Rice. I haunt her blog often, but I rarely link. Truthfully, I don’t always see eye to eye with Ji-in, but that’s why I read her blog. If everyone always agreed with everyone else, than the world would be a truly boring place to be. Ji-in and I started out from the same place, but we ended up in two very different places…yet not too far apart. Sometimes I wish there was a guidebook – a step by step manual on what to expect from a Korean adoptee. It would make my life as an adoptee and as a parent... more

Today, I went to a jewelry party at my neighbor’s house. I really don’t like these parties, but I thought it would be a good way to meet some of the other neighbors. As it turns out, only one other neighbor came to the party.

Funny, it just happens that the neighbor that came is also adopted from Korea – just like me and my son. There was that moment of discomfort when we first met. Both of us wanted to ask the adoption question, but neither of us wanted to be first. On my side, it has to do with the fact that I’ve lived through three decades of intrusive... more

After writing my last post about medical history, I started thinking about a more general topic. Thinking about my frustration when I fill out medical history information led me to remember my frustration in other situations. As Korean adoptees and the parents of adoptees, we are really living in a world that is designed for someone else…we live in a world designed for biological children and the parents of biological children. It’s frustrating.

School projects tended to revolve around families. My philosophy has always been that my family through... more

My son did not grieve when he came. For the first five months of his life, he lived at the children’s center and then he was moved to a foster home for one month before he came home to us. I don’t think he really had the time or the development necessary to bond with anyone.

As the child gets older, grieving becomes mores of an issue. They have time to understand that people exist after they turn the corner and time to develop attachments to certain people. I imagine they also are able to recognize that suddenly all of the adults lack black hair and slanted eyes. It’s hard to tell what goes through the mind of a baby or toddler.

Shortly after my sister arrived, family... more

Many new parents are worried about their child being unhappy when they come because of the language difference. After spending so many months hearing only Korean, do they miss it when they come here?

I would guess that the younger the child is the less you have to worry about it. I didn’t even think to buy a Korean CD or DVD before my son came home. At six months, the change didn’t seem to bother him at all. He had a tendency to respond to our tone of voice more than the actual words.

However, the older they are at arrival, the harder the... more

Link: Part 1

After embarrassment came the hurt. It led to all of those internal questions. The summary of the questions was “what is wrong with me that would cause someone to say these things to me?” Even in adulthood, we tend to question ourselves based on the actions of others, but as a child the potential for this to turn into out of control self-doubt is huge.

In past posts, I’ve told you that I had a very strong identity from early childhood. For me, this hurt was a moment in time that I shook off and moved past. It was a horrible... more

Someone asked me what racism feels like to a child and I thought that was a wonderful topic. I talk about the fundamentals of racism. I talk about the fact that it is still a part of our society. I talk about what you can do to protect yourself from racism. I talk about how I view racism from the point-of-view of a Korean adoptee adult. It never occurred to me to describe what it felt like when I was a child.

I remember one of the first times I realized that people could make fun of me because of who I am. Like most of my early childhood events, the facts are a little foggy, but the feelings are there. There used to be a short rhyme (I imagine it’s still circulating.) that children... more